I awoke to an appropriately gloomy day. The Sun came late, and burned off the clouds to open up a sky as blue as Blaine's eyes. It will turn off to be a beautiful fall day, after all. I have spent most of the morning, from 5AM until now, sending off "thank you's" to Blaines' Facebook Friends. All of the many many people who posted condolences on Blaine's wall. Most of whom I have never met. They were all kind. It seems as if he had not an enemy in the world. I know now why he was not a warrior, a fighter. It seems instead, he might have been too loving a person, to exhibit the anger necessary to harm or even hurt anyone.

I felt moved, almost driven to respond to all of these postings. I know that he had left too soon to be able to tell all of those who loved him "Good-By". I felt as if, while responding to the many kind words, he were standing thee behind me, editing and critiquing my responses. Saying "yes Dad. This one is special. Tell them I'm sorry I was unable to say "Good-By". Tell them I cared...". and "... tell him he was a great friend to me. Thank him for all of the good memories...", "oh yeah Dad, and tell her I thought she was a sweetheart, and I will miss her and her kids...". I know it sounds trite, but I could feel him. It drove me to do this thing for him. Now I am thinking of the many many things that he has left unfinished, that he would want completed. The many things left unsaid, which he would want said. I can not complete all of these worldly thing for my dearly departed boy, but the few things I can complete, the few small things I can say for him, I will do my best to see it done.

So yesterday many sad and lonely people visited me. The day was half done when Sara S. called with the coroners report. She assured me Blaine had passed over to the Other Side in painless peace. This gave me a great comfort to know the exact "How", and a close proximity of the "When". I need only the "Why" and I felt I could begin to heal. The "Why" of course being the most elusive. John arrived, and took me then in the pouring rain to the Holy Angles chapel, where they gave me the key and let us in to Pray. It was good that I could Thank the Lord for his kind and gentle taking of my boy, and the way in which he allowed my Blaine to slip over to the other side.

We returned and the house began to fill. Cousins Matt and Timmy, Blaine's boyhood friend Justin, Blaine's cousin Tommy, his wife Nina and three children. Blaine's cousin Jess and her Husband David and their four children. Jess & John and the Kids, my brother Jeff's wife (my sister -in-law) Jennie, my sister's Sharon and Patty and Blaine's cousins Lorrie and Michael. My Brother-in-law Billy and his wife Kelly and later my Sister's-in-law Ruth and Judy. It was a busy day and I was, for the most part, in a fog the entire time. Sherry and Jess shuffled in and out plates of food, and we all sat and watch the children play, and spoke pleasantly of Blaine, and relived the many fond memories. I found this to be a great help to me, and aided greatly in my healing. At times I was overwhelmed, as I believe I was supposed to be. At times I felt serenity. At times I felt his presents.

And here is an important thing: My sister Patty (Aunt Poppy) pulled me close and recounted an story. She reminded me of the time Carrice Ann was lost, and the devastation visited upon the family at the passing of my beautiful little girl. She was, as were we all, deeply saddened by this tragedy. She told me of how our Father, Vernon took her aside and told her (and I quote) "...Patty, you don't know what pain and suffering lay waiting in that child's future. You don't know how much sorrow was in store for that baby. The Lord did. So the Lord, in all of his wisdom, took her before any of that pain or suffering, before any of that sorrow, could strike her. The Lord has a plan for each of us..." . This seemed to me to be my Father speaking from beyond the grave, and coming to me to let me know the "Why". The "Why" is, the Lord has a plan, and some unknown, unseen thing was going to happen that would cause much pain and suffering in my boy. And so, The Good Lord, in all of His Wisdom, took Blaine away from, not here, but took him away from a world of hurt, of pain, and ultimately, of great sorrow. Blaine's passing was a blessing, not a tragedy. And even thou this is a deep and dreadful hurt, it compares little to the great sorrow and pain that would have visited us all, had the Father not intervened on Blaine's behalf. This is my belief. This is my comfort. This is the "Why". Many, many thanks to my Dad, and his wisdom far beyond the time he left me here to carry on. Thank you Dad, for parting this healing knowledge at my most needy time.

And now I will move on with my day. It will be a painful day. I have taken a trip around the Rosary, and will do so again, asking please that the Holy Mother of God intercede on Blaine's behalf and allow's for his gentle soul to transition into Heaven.