This is hard. I have such a difficult time focusing. So much to do, and time is getting short.

Sunny to partly cloudy today with a High around 60F. Winds will be North/Northwest at 10 to 20 mph. The relative humidity is 61% and the dew point is at 32F. The barometer remains steady at 29.90. Our Low tonight will reach into the low 40'sF. I am waiting for the sun to come up at 6:40AM . It will set this evening 4:58PM.

I saw an Osprey on Saturday, November 6. This is the very latest I have ever seen an Osprey. It must have been a first year bird, with a late start south. The Eagles too have gone their way, for I have yet to see one for a week or more. I thought the 7 that stayed in the neighborhood would remain throughout the winter, but apparently not. They too are off to fish a warmer shore.

I was driven from the bed at 4AM (really, 3AM, but who's paying attention). Vivid dreams, and restless thoughts. Better to make my way to the studio and do something productive.

Mark M. sent along these shots of our panel, fully installed as a transom. The work is very nice, and makes and impressive presentation! I am very happy with it, and can't wait to show Sherry.

Speaking of which; Sherry has been a rock throughout this trying time. She has propped me up and held me while I was certain I would fall. She was a shoulder to cry on, an ear to talk to, a companion, a lover, and a friend.

She looked after me, doted over me, dried my eyes, and whispered loving reassurances in my ear. She made decisions I disagreed with, that in the end were the right decisions to make. She has been generous, and understanding. She is my best friend in the entire world, and I would not change that for anything, I love her all the more for the love and devotion she has offered up to me during this painful journey.

I stopped work on Blaine's Transom (really, Judy F's transom, but I refer to it as Blaine's, as I work on it, and through it during this trying time) and started loading glass and supplies. We took the truck to Jerry's for an oil change and service before we head south. Sherry has been, and is now packing up her studio. I have only to finish this one panel, and then I am done with glass for a week or more.

I spoke with Mary C. today, which was very nice. I hope she is OK, but she is a difficult one to read. I also called her mother, which was also nice. I wish her well and hope that she will be fine. I know she is suffering beyond belief. It is disturbing to see her in such deep, deep pain. I hope she is able, through the help of her friends and family, to pull out of this. I hope. Blaine would want that. He would not want to see her in this pain. There is nothing to be said. It is so sad.

Happy Birthday Carrice Ann! Now you have a Brother to celebrate with in the presents of The Lord. Our two Angles in Heaven.

It looks as if we are in for a day of abundant sunshine. They say the High today will reach 60F. and the Low tonight will dip into the lower 40's. Currently, in is 32F outside, although it does not feel it, being this close to the river. Our relative humidity is at 87% and our dew point is 28F. The barometer stands at 29.99 and is steady. Our winds are out of the West at 5 to 10mph. Our sunrise will come in 10 minutes, at 6:39AM, and will set this evening at 4:59. I do not like daylight savings time. I am the big fan of standard time.

Much has happened in these past two days, most of it too painful to recount. Still, there is much to do and I must get at it.

I can not begin to thank all of the people who have given so much of their love for me, and My Boy. I can not express my gratitude to those who propped me up and held me close during this, the most trying time in my life. I can not now, or ever will be able to thank everyone who came to me and comforted my breaking heart. Thank you, one and all.

Life goes on. Within you, and without you.

I awoke to an appropriately gloomy day. The Sun came late, and burned off the clouds to open up a sky as blue as Blaine's eyes. It will turn off to be a beautiful fall day, after all. I have spent most of the morning, from 5AM until now, sending off "thank you's" to Blaines' Facebook Friends. All of the many many people who posted condolences on Blaine's wall. Most of whom I have never met. They were all kind. It seems as if he had not an enemy in the world. I know now why he was not a warrior, a fighter. It seems instead, he might have been too loving a person, to exhibit the anger necessary to harm or even hurt anyone.

I felt moved, almost driven to respond to all of these postings. I know that he had left too soon to be able to tell all of those who loved him "Good-By". I felt as if, while responding to the many kind words, he were standing thee behind me, editing and critiquing my responses. Saying "yes Dad. This one is special. Tell them I'm sorry I was unable to say "Good-By". Tell them I cared...". and "... tell him he was a great friend to me. Thank him for all of the good memories...", "oh yeah Dad, and tell her I thought she was a sweetheart, and I will miss her and her kids...". I know it sounds trite, but I could feel him. It drove me to do this thing for him. Now I am thinking of the many many things that he has left unfinished, that he would want completed. The many things left unsaid, which he would want said. I can not complete all of these worldly thing for my dearly departed boy, but the few things I can complete, the few small things I can say for him, I will do my best to see it done.

So yesterday many sad and lonely people visited me. The day was half done when Sara S. called with the coroners report. She assured me Blaine had passed over to the Other Side in painless peace. This gave me a great comfort to know the exact "How", and a close proximity of the "When". I need only the "Why" and I felt I could begin to heal. The "Why" of course being the most elusive. John arrived, and took me then in the pouring rain to the Holy Angles chapel, where they gave me the key and let us in to Pray. It was good that I could Thank the Lord for his kind and gentle taking of my boy, and the way in which he allowed my Blaine to slip over to the other side.

We returned and the house began to fill. Cousins Matt and Timmy, Blaine's boyhood friend Justin, Blaine's cousin Tommy, his wife Nina and three children. Blaine's cousin Jess and her Husband David and their four children. Jess & John and the Kids, my brother Jeff's wife (my sister -in-law) Jennie, my sister's Sharon and Patty and Blaine's cousins Lorrie and Michael. My Brother-in-law Billy and his wife Kelly and later my Sister's-in-law Ruth and Judy. It was a busy day and I was, for the most part, in a fog the entire time. Sherry and Jess shuffled in and out plates of food, and we all sat and watch the children play, and spoke pleasantly of Blaine, and relived the many fond memories. I found this to be a great help to me, and aided greatly in my healing. At times I was overwhelmed, as I believe I was supposed to be. At times I felt serenity. At times I felt his presents.

And here is an important thing: My sister Patty (Aunt Poppy) pulled me close and recounted an story. She reminded me of the time Carrice Ann was lost, and the devastation visited upon the family at the passing of my beautiful little girl. She was, as were we all, deeply saddened by this tragedy. She told me of how our Father, Vernon took her aside and told her (and I quote) "...Patty, you don't know what pain and suffering lay waiting in that child's future. You don't know how much sorrow was in store for that baby. The Lord did. So the Lord, in all of his wisdom, took her before any of that pain or suffering, before any of that sorrow, could strike her. The Lord has a plan for each of us..." . This seemed to me to be my Father speaking from beyond the grave, and coming to me to let me know the "Why". The "Why" is, the Lord has a plan, and some unknown, unseen thing was going to happen that would cause much pain and suffering in my boy. And so, The Good Lord, in all of His Wisdom, took Blaine away from, not here, but took him away from a world of hurt, of pain, and ultimately, of great sorrow. Blaine's passing was a blessing, not a tragedy. And even thou this is a deep and dreadful hurt, it compares little to the great sorrow and pain that would have visited us all, had the Father not intervened on Blaine's behalf. This is my belief. This is my comfort. This is the "Why". Many, many thanks to my Dad, and his wisdom far beyond the time he left me here to carry on. Thank you Dad, for parting this healing knowledge at my most needy time.

And now I will move on with my day. It will be a painful day. I have taken a trip around the Rosary, and will do so again, asking please that the Holy Mother of God intercede on Blaine's behalf and allow's for his gentle soul to transition into Heaven.

It is raining this morning, outside, and in my heart. I am fast coming to the stark realization that this is not a nightmare from which I will awaken. But rather, a reality that has shaken me to the very depth of my soul. I understand that, in life, there is suffering and pain, and that it is a natural course of things to have certain tragic events visited upon you. I understood that there could be no limit to these things, and that after a certain number, you are not necessarily immune. I did believe however, that if you conducted yourself in a certain manner, if you followed a certain code, and strove always to do that which was right, you would be protected to some extent from these things. When Carrice Ann died, on November 8, 1981, it was without reason. I wondered "Why?". Why would a Good and Loving Lord take from me this small and precious thing? There was no answer. Mary came along and helped to fill this terrible void in my heart, and I thought, "...well, this must be it, this might be the why...". And Mary was good. Less than two years later, along came Blaine. And this is the thing that I dreamed; Most children are born crying. Blaine was born smiling. And he really did. He was a good baby. Knowing we were only planning to have two children, it came to me that, this maybe was the reason for Carrice Ann to leave us, in order to make room for Blaine. And this gave me reason. It gave me reason to understand why my dear little girl had to leave. It was in order that Blaine might come into this world. I could live with that. I could understand that, and all things were balanced. But I was lulled into a false sense of security. I thought, "why, God would never ever take two". While other parents lay awake at night, worrying after their children, I rested peacefully, knowing that, I had given one. The Good and Gracious Lord would never take two. And for years I moved through life, laughing at the tragedies that would never again be visited upon me. What more could they possibly do to me? They had taken my Daughter, my little girl. What was left. All other things paled in comparison to that loss, and the pain it left. Mary and Blaine filled my heart, our hearts, with a love that healed all wounds, emotional and physical. They changed, they grew, and they were launched into this world to go and make their way.

Now it has come to this... My Blainey Boy. My Son. Taken so soon, so young, so much promise, so much love. How can I possibly go on, knowing he is no longer there. How tortured I am, at his last moments, and how I long to be there, in that place, holding his hand and telling him to wait, that I would go first, and prepare a place for him. How I wish he could know how I want that now, more than anything, I want that now. I want him to know that he has nothing to fear, because he was good, and loving and caring, and he will be welcomed Across the River. I just wish he wasn't alone when he left away from this side. I wish I could have been with him for the crossing over time. I hope he will wait for me. I hope he will be waiting for me when I make my crossing. I hope to God I will be able to see him again. I love you Blaine. Where ever you are.

It is odd to me, that one with such a good heart, a big heart, a loving and caring heart, should be taken from here, because his heart, in the end, failed him.

Broken hearts and dirty windows
Make life difficult to see.
That's why last night and this morning
Always look the same to me

Memories, they can't be boughten.
They can't be won at carnivals for free.
Well. it took me years to get those souvenirs,
And I don't know how they slipped away from me.

Right Now

8:16

AM

EDT

• 41 °

• Mostly Cloudy

Feels Like

41°

Relative Humidity

100%

Barometer

30.25

Dew Point

41

°

Visibility

10.00 Miles

UV Index

0 Low

Wind Speed

CALM 0 mph

It is just another sad day. There is nothing more to say. I miss my Son, more then I could possibly begin to describe. The world is a much sadder place without him. I feel as if a huge hole has been ripped into the universe, and all that is good is being drawn in. How could one so promising, so loving, so full of life and humor, be taken from us at such a young age?

Today

A mix of clouds and sun. High 54F. Winds ESE at 5 to 10 mph.

54 High

47 Low

0 %

Sunrise Sunset

7:34 AM

6:04 PM

I have received the most tragic news imaginable; Yesterday evening, my Son Blaine passed away at his Mothers' home. He went quietly in his sleep. By all accounts it appears his passing was painless and very peaceful.

My daughter Mary is on her way home from California. I don't know what it is I should do. I miss him so very badly. I want him back. This is some horrible dream that I must awake from.

Oh my what a day, what an awful awful day. I could never have imagined a pain more deep than the lose I feel. Oh Blaine! My heart screams for you. All I own for just a moment with you again. All I own to assure you crossed over in peace, unafraid, and painless. How I miss your smile. I love you Son. I always have. I always will. You were my boy. My daughter Mary Carrice came by today, as did many, many visitors; Steve Scheide and his daughters Erin and Sara, my Brother Jeffery, Capt. Bill & Ms. Emmy, Jessica. Jessica brought along a car loaded with food. I do not know what this if for, but I am certain the woman will know what to do with. For me, I am in a fog. I go from a complete wreck, some sort of trance like suffering. I have had many many calls, and many many emails. These all help to dull the ache of a heart that will ever be whole again. The world has changed dramatically in a moment. It is not the same world I woke up to on November 1st. It is a much sadder place. I know I will never be the person I was just a day ago.

t

A low tide, and clean beach beckoned me this morning, but I turned instead to my work in the studio. Too much to do, and time is getting short. Only 15 days until we depart for the Florida Studio, and there is much preparation required in order to make the transition smoothly. I am finishing up the second Lorrie R. panel (she will select one of the two, the other will go into inventory). I have modified the layout table to begin Judy F's transom. Once these are all completed, and the existing panels are polished and tagged & bagged, I can go back to my last push at inventory. Then the real fun begins; Pack! Pack! Pack! And more Pack! Sherry convinced me t0 walk the beach after lunch. We found two nice points and a beautiful pottery fragment. We are pretty well certain there was a substantial village here at some time in the past. The projectile points are in abundance, as are numerous flakes from stone working. We have found celts, axes, pottery, points, and knives. The Oyster midden is substantial, and appears to have been in existed for a very long time. The many different types of points makes me believe that the village went through many changes as the influences of style and type are numerous. There are large spears that indicate a paleo/archic influence, early/late woodland, and Lavanna quartz points.

We have a small raft of Loon that have moved into the river. They are making their way south of the winter (something I intend to do in just two weeks). I love to see the Loon. His call reminds me of the cold and desolate North Lands.

I have completed these two panels. The client has seen both, and will make a decision within the next week or so. She is contemplating a pick-up in Studio, but may wait until Unique Boutique.

Today we will have abundant sunshine. Our High will only go to 55F. Our Low tonight will go down to 36F. The Barometer is 30.32 and steady. The Winds will come from the North at 5 to 10 MPH. Our Sunrise came this morning at 7:32AM and will set this evening at 6:06PM.